This Thanksgiving Dinner is all wrong. All wrong.

The Jones Soda Company's Holiday Pack 2005, only available at Target, contains five festive flavors of sugar-free sodas. Turkey and Gravy Soda, Wild Herb Stuffing Soda, Cranberry Soda, Brussels Sprout Soda and Pumpkin Pie Soda.

Thankfully, proceeds from the sale go to St. Jude's Childrens Hospital. This is, I would think, because otherwise you'd want your money back. Because it wasn't as funny as you thought it would be. It was just disgusting.

Still, Elise, my good friend Adam Wekarski and I did an independant taste test, writing down our reactions.

These are the results.

Turkey and Gravy Soda

CHRISTIAN: Like licking the roasting pan of a turkey, right after you ate an entire can of Play-Doh. Also, very sweet. It shouldn't be so sweet. Like a turkey that's been stuffed with honey roasted peanuts and Play-Doh.

ELISE: Like a turkey dinner of doom--leaves a peanut butter mouth aftertaste.

ADAM: Bitter, bitter, bitter. Somewhat of a butterscotch. Salty, Sweet=Completely Bad. Oh, I can't smell anything apparently.

Wild Herb Stuffing Soda

CHRISTIAN: Smells exactly like the inside of the World's Only Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota when I was there and getting sick from all the rotten, dank old corn smell. Tastes like club soda that's been fermenting in an old boot. Also, Flintstones Vitamins.

ELISE: Smells like my beloved Welch's fruit snacks. Tastes like--my mouth is made of ass now. Thank you, Jones.

ADAM: I can smell this. Smells like a nice candle? Christian thinks it resembles the Flintstones Vitamins--I agree. Also, smells like a morbid gingerbread cookie. A Flintstones Vitamin Gingerbread Cookie. But it tastes like paint-water. The Skeletor of bad-tasting bitter.

Cranberry Soda

CHRISTIAN: This flavor isn't wacky enough. It's cranberry. It's not even sauce. It is exactly how I thought it would taste. Not bad. Adam is drinking it all.

ELISE: C-R-A-N-B-E-R-R-Y J-U-I-C-E C-O-C-K-T-A-I-L.

ADAM: Smells like an expected cranberry scenario. Tastes like--You know when you have a pack of red Jell-O and you eat one single serving container? Well, when you lick the bottom of the peel-off top or when you let the spoon of Jell-O sit in your mouth. It's METAL AND JELL-O, MY FRIEND.

Brussels Sprout Soda

CHRISTIAN: Sweet. Buttery. Ass. We've all decided that it's butter. We've all decided that it's ass. But not a good ass.

ELISE: Tastes like my worst nightmare!

ADAM: Smells like my worst enemy. Like brussels sprout and rectum. Tasting it, it goes back to the stuffing and the turkey and gravy. If the two were mixed in one bottle and someone took a nasty shit in the bottle and whisked it around--this disgusting vomit water would be the end result.