March 2005 Archives

There is a new story up on Ribcage.

He Who Shall Remain Nameless

I switched the Ribcage server today, from my father's old webspace, to his new webspace... so if you see anything strange, let me know. And if for some reason you had linked the page directly instead of by the URL, you'll need to update that as well.

I swear Elise is working on another illustration. I swear it will be up in the next couple of days. An illustration for Icebox Impressionism.

Me, I'm working on another mix song... Ding Dong House... you'll see, you'll see.

I'll update on this closer to the date as a reminder, but the Ribcage story Audiophile will be in the next issue (issue 4) of Look-Look Magazine. Just got the word today! This is the first time I've ever been published in print! It hits newsstands on May 3rd and you can search for a store near you on their site. They have a pretty decent distribution, but you can also order single issues from their site as well.

They're sending a copy out to me as soon as it hits the printers! I will then have to buy out the local Borders, me thinks.

For once I'll have a story in Borders that I didn't stick into the middle of a magazine when nobody was looking!

So I made another song. Reaped the archives of my computer and found some very strange material from my past. From Queequeg's past. Confusion will abound! So anyway...

Baked Magician

Paula Deene is doing a signing at Barnes and Noble in White Plains tonight and I think we're going. Maybe, anyway. She loves our show, apparently--spent a lot of time with my parents at the South Beach festival. So we wanted to go and say hello, but don't want to "crash" her signing. I guess we'll see.

Okay, okay... back to my book.

Then this week's story.

My book really, really needs a title, you know. Everything I come up with is crap. Huge is the best one so far, for it's double meaning. ::sigh::

Finally... Grey's Anatomy is a great show that I really hope is not cancelled.

Rocco Dispirito was flirting with my mom on the radio this morning.

I think the audio is over on the new StellaStyle forums.

There's this fantastic interview with Dave Eggers over at Salon.com... you know, if you like Dave Eggers that is.

If not, here is a story about animals advertising the quality of their sperm.

Anyway, Dave Eggers talks about the angry and angsty autobiographical first book syndrome, which can certainly apply to my book. It's not necessarily a bad thing. He sold a few million copies and a nomination for the Pulitzer after all.

Then they go into the one page stories throughout How We Are Hungry, which freaked my absolute shit out when I bought that book. Here I had been writing the Ribcage site for nearly half a year and then one of my favorite writers writes something so similar as to give me goosebumps. If you are a fan of Ribcage and near or in a bookstore anytime soon, find Dave Eggers' How We Are Hungry and read the story on page 55 and you'll see what I'm talking about.

I started reading that book the week Ostentatious With Ice Skates On was posted, by the way... You can see plain and simple that that was the week that the stories stepped up a notch. That was also the week that the exclamation points started. I apologize for the exclamation points!

Ten Things That Happened All At Once was written on a night that I read bits and pieces of everything that Amy Hempel has ever done. Ten Things, The Color Yellow and Circles were all because of her. She has a new book out this week... The Dog of the Mairrage... I'm seething to get my hands on it. It's a Simon and Schuster, so I'm hoping they'll send it my way because they're wonderful and nice.

But back to Dave Eggers for a moment... the interviewer said this about his one page stories... "I guess maybe that's why I like a lot of the shorter pieces in "How We Are Hungry," which I want to talk about. Maybe I'll sound like an ass saying this, but they were quick and fun, which I think is kind of rare."

Then Dave Eggers goes into the perception that short stories aren't supposed to be fun.

Which is something that I've been bitching and complaining about in bookstores recently. Nobody is writing anything fun. There is plenty of uplifting garbage, but there is nothing that is both uplifting and well written.

I started my stories having no idea what they would become. Scared shitless by the fact that they were so damn short... that there wasn't any real drama in these people's lives. And then I thought, this could be just the thing that people are looking for. A book that they could pick up and open at any time. Read any page and close and feel good afterward. That maybe this really isn't the place for "real" drama.

Anyway, that interview was nice and assuring.

He also goes into his need to work on multiple projects at once and how he keeps them all open on his computer... switching back and forth when he gets stuck on something. Blames it on television. Says that the more projects he has, the bigger procrastinator he feels like, the more it motivates him to get to writing.

I am exactly that same way. With the full time writing of the weight loss book, the back and forth between writing that and a new Ribcage story every Tuesday, the trips into the city to take photographs for the Ribcage prequel novel and now a screenplay kicking around in my head.

Finally, Dave Eggers went into his script for the feature film version of Where the Wild Things Are... yes... it's going into production. Where the Wild Things Are... directed by Spike fucking Jonze. And I thought I was excited when I heard about Tim Burton and the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

Anthony is pretty dead-set on getting Queequeg Films up and running again. Making some shorts. Making a feature soon after. Making this happen in the next year.

I came up with an idea for a script last night... a feature. Who knows, maybe I'll write it when I'm finished with this book. I haven't written a screenplay on my own since I was sixteen, so it could prove interesting.

In other news... some things never end!

Woke up this morning and three incredible things are going on. All three, I can't talk about! Business, you know.

I can say that one of these things is as or more exciting than when my father first got the television show and book.

This can change our lives, folks.

This, I can talk about on Sunday.

A few things about me:

I am the son of a television personality.

I have never been paid to appear on television or in print.

I am not a television personality, nor do I wish to be one.

I prefer a far more private life.

I don't want fame, just a career out of what I love doing.

All I want to do is write.

I understand why J.D. Salinger is in hiding.

I'm making less sense now that I've deleted past posts.

I did that for you though.

I did that for you for me though.

I did that for my privacy over-all.

I guess I asked for this.

I'm the son of a television personality after all.

That's how I walk, even.

Like the son of a television personality.

I wear a nametag labeling me so, even.

There is a new story over at Ribcage today... based on true pancake mix that Elise told me about.

Thanks for reading, everybody!

Well I've had a fun week, how about you?

The book is going great, I think I had a few revelations about the layout today. Need to move some things around and fill some chapters out. Cut more boring diet speak. I think I should post a sign on the wall, "You are not writing a diet book." That may help.

Got a huge package in the mail from the South Beach Festival my father appeared at... gifts that they send to all of the celebrity chefs apparently. Of course this is like Christmas for us! I wondered if Emeril or some of the bigger guys like that still care about gift packages? Some of the stuff was pretty cool. A three month subscription to the exotic fruit of the month club... which at least Elise and I can enjoy! There was a backpack full of picnic gear, plates, glasses, tablecloth... the whole deal... a place on the side for a bottle of wine... a big insulated compartment for food. I think Elise and I will have to take it hiking sometime warmer. There was Illy coffee and limited edition coffee mugs that are awesome. Practical stuff like expensive olive oil and balsamic. Flowering tea in little bamboo boxes. Cheese slicers. A cool wallet from Target that I gave to Elise. A really, really nice hand blender by Wolfgang Puck that made me wonder what Wolfgang Puck thought when he opened his gift box. Was it, "Oh my blender!" Or... "I endorsed a blender?" Then there was just a bunch of sponsor endorsed items that I just don't understand. I think we're going to give some of this stuff to Goodwill, because what do we do with Verizon Wireless coasters? There's a beautiful wooden box containing a corkscrew, but across the entire box is a gigantic Bank of America logo. I really wonder if any of the celebrity chefs would ever keep logoed things like that out in their house! "Those are beautiful Verizon Wireless coasters, Rachel Ray!"

Well, Elise has to get to work in Photoshop on her second illustration for Ribcage! It looks amazing already! She's going to Florida next month, by the way. It'll be the first time we've been apart in more than four months! Just when I thought I was done with those airport goodbyes! Only four days though.

Me, I have to get cracking on tomorrow's Ribcage story! Goodnight everybody... I'll post more often, I swear.

Though it is now Thursday... I did actually get a new story online on Wednesday! I hope you enjoy!

Also... the first of Elise's illustrations is now on the site as well! Just check out the archives... it comes after the story it is based on, Built Up.

Let's play a game. It's called What's In My Spam Box?

Some recent subject lines...

It's funny Eminem NASA NEAR-shoemaker Mercedes Benz Love Stories
Father's Day in 1866 in 1929 American Music Awards 1840 Korn
Elucidate this Business...
Want to get the Rollax you've dreamed of? crowfoot
6 Great Whoppertunities!
I'll wait you Capital Punishment Quotation Fans: West Nile Firefighters
rest of the loook at The Holocaust Tool numbers triple again Pamela Anderson
Graduation I advise you Travel from the Pregnancy Thanksgiving
King Live in 1986 in 1834 I do hope David Blaine by no means
To your benefit: This business Contagiously viral like you've never seen before!

I'm aiming for 40,000 words for the main text of my book. The rest of the book will be filled out with blog posts, recipes, photographs and humorous diagrams.

So today I passed the 20,000 word mark, folks. I'm over the hump! Downhill and all of that.

Of course, my orginal weightloss goal was to get down to 180 and I eventually saw 140, so who knows how many words this thing will end up?

Still, I feel halfway there and that's a very good thing.

Now, Jesus, I have to write a story for tomorrow. My mind has been flirting with dadaism.

I don't know where the hell I've been either.

Actually I was making this here Michael Jackson song for far longer than I should have been.

It's so very long. Almost four minutes, folks. Not as catchy as it is informational. Michael Jackson just doesn't speak in loopable sound clips. Instead, he speaks in entire passages of hilarity. I had to let him take me where he wanted.

No, not his bedroom.

Living With Michael Jackson: The Song
You're The Scientist (Listen Up)
Chicken Cutting Board (Stella Style)

Yesterday, I woke up from my feverish sleep to quickly dress myself for a newspaper photographer, but then they only took photos of my father.

They work fast... the story ran in today's paper... the local Hour. This would be the second time The Hour has done a story on us.

Tomorrow my father has a book signing at the Norwalk Barnes and Noble at 2pm. Of course, I'll have to go as well. Represent! Hopefully I'll be able to breathe by then.

Been working on a Michael Jackson mix.

Elise has been working on illustrations for Ribcage.

Elise got sick. Then I got sick. Then my parents, my brother came home from South Beach and they were all sick. And now we're all sick. Still. Horribly. I took some NyQuil about twenty-five minutes ago... so you know... I'm getting there real fast.

I sat around the house and wished for a working brain today. So much sitting! So cloudy I was! But then there was this momentary break in the clouds of feverish delerium, so I wrote a story.

So it's now Wednesday and there is a new story over at Ribcage. It's a very special story, because you can really feel the fever and the cold medicine coming through in the text. You see, it's called... Moon Wine For Witches.

KitchenAid was a sponsor at the South Beach festival my father just appeared at... KitchenAid loves us by the way... and we love our red KitchenAid gadgets! They gave my parents a red coffee bean grinder, which is fantastic because our red coffeemaker's bean compartment isn't large enough to grind an entire pot of coffee. Then they gave us a red chopper type gadget that's much like a miniature food processor, not to be confused with our actual red food processor that we already have. And then a red spatula that will go great with our red pots and pans. And finally they're FedExing us pasta-making and sausage making attachments for our giant red mixer.

And apparently a giant box of South Beach sponsors gifts is being FedExed as well. Not sure what to expect, but the letter claiming this rattled off all of the companies contributing to the package and this list was twenty long. Target, Kenneth Cole, Lucky Brand... it went on forever.

More free stuff!