December 2004 Archives

I spent the night typesetting.

Elise and I ate tater tots and fat free hot dogs. I shouldn't talk about tater tots here, somebody might see! Thank you youthful metabolism... where were you five years ago?

It snowed a few days ago. It melted yesterday.

I saw my father's book at the top of a pyramid display at our local Barnes and Noble.

Elise is a zombie. Blame it on Harvest Moon for the ol' Gamecube.

I spent the night typesetting Ribcage stories in a real nice fashion. There's a transparent overlay for the cover and everything. It's beautiful. It's one of a kind. And it's going in a three ring... so I'll add to it as stories are written.

Also on the topic of Ribcage... I'm seeing the BIG PICTURE now. There's always an a-ha moment with my projects and it just hit me over the past week. I think the last couple stories give a good idea.

I used to write this book called Flying Inside. I'm supposed to be writing this diet book. How come two other books are all I can think about? :)

I am writing you all this letter to inform you of a new story located HERE. Somebody once told me that there is always new stories there. Every Wednesday even! What luck!

There's a surprise in this week's story. See if you can find it! And in a story about revelations! How clever.

Every week I say that I am not going to wait until Tuesday to write my story due on my site on Wednesday and every week I wait until Tuesday to write! It's Tuesday folks... I should get cracking on this week's story, huh?

Update: I sat down to write a story about New Year's Resolutions and instead have one about teeth. Teeth this and teeth that! No word of New Years. Perhaps I'll save the teeth for some other time and get cracking on another.

I have this theory on cat and dog treats... that they are nothing more than specially shaped cat and dog food packaged in small quatities and sold at a premium. I just fed Sedna a dinner of Pounce treats because I was too lazy to lug out the giant bag of cat kibble. These Pounce treats are famous amongst cats... but so is ANYTHING. Sedna would bite the rind off a canteloupe, I swear. These pounce treats also bear a shocking resemblence to the moist dry food my mother buys our other cats in gigantic pails at Wal-Mart for two bucks. So this theory I have was concreted when reading the back of the Pounce package... "For optimal results, feed your cat 10-14 pieces a day..." That part, I quote here because I found the wording hilarious. Optimal results! What results am I looking for in a cat treat? Better gas mileage? It was what it said under that... "Pounce treats are complete and balanced nutrition so they can also replace your cat's regular diet!" Exactly! Cat treats are cat food... we are all suckers. Humans are so obsessed with snack foods that we think our animals need them too!

So in conclusion, I was too lazy to open a bag of cat food just now! Isn't that pathetic?

Yesterday I saw my father's book in a store for the first time. On the "Cooking and Entertaining" table in Barnes and Noble. They had six copies and I wanted to sit and wait for somebody to pick one up. I also wanted to take a picture... but I left my camera at home.

So Elise and I were kissing on the street outside of the Barnes and Noble in White Plains and a man rolled up in a wheelchair.

"Give her another one!"

We laughed and I did. And then he showered us with compliments. "I can tell, you're a good guy," he said to me. He told Elise that she had a great face... which is the third time that's happened in a little over a week. Then he told me to slip her some tongue. Said he "taught tongue-fu down the street." And he laughed and was jolly and we laughed. He was a nice guy in a wheelchair.

Then Elise and I split up to do some Christmas shopping, I asked her where she'd like to meet in an hour. She said, "At your father's book." That struck me funny. My father's book was a landmark.

Feeling a money crunch now. Feeling a job in January. New Year's resolutions and all of that. I will also have to hold down this here fort. January the PR machine rolls forward full force for my father. Tony Danza again. Book signings. Four appearances out of state... all that silly stuff.

Last night I vomited five drops of vomit into the toilet. I'm still a bit queasy. Vomit is a running theme this December.

Tomorrow is six months for Elise and I.

My father's book is now showing up in stores... though I've yet to see it. It's off preorder and now shipping at amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and walmart.com.

That is all.

I guess I'm not prolific enough anymore. Lately anyway. So says an email anyway.

So this is what's happening.

I can only assume that it was Shoprite that poisoned my girlfriend. Eel sushi and then three days of vomiting. We've learned a harsh lesson about pre-packaged sushi. By the way... does that merit a refund? Bring in a bag of the "result" and say, "I would like to return this sushi please." And when they ask what for, plop the bag down on the counter and say, "It turned into this vomit."

Yeah, I know that's disgusting.

Diet Dr Pepper tastes just like regular Dr Pepper. New Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper tastes just like... regular Dr Pepper. Next time, try adding vanilla and cherry flavor to your new vanilla and cherry flavored soft drink. It would only be fair. And by the way... does that merit a refund? When they ask what for, I'd pop a can open and ask the woman at customer service to taste it herself. I'd get loud with her. Scream, "Can YOU taste the vanilla? CAN YOU?" And of course she wouldn't taste it, because it just isn't fucking there in this soda. "False advertising! Deceptive labeling!" Shoppers would stare at me for sure. They'd wonder what was up with the crazy kid, stomping circles around a twelve pack of soda and occasionally stopping to flick them off... one can at a time.

Yeah, I know that's over the top.

Now, I have to go assemble a desk. E's Christmas gift. A mega super awesome crafty desk. Pictures later.

Seventeen weeks running. Never missed an update.

www.ribcage.org

I'm in love with this week's story. Is that allowed? I wrote it. Also, it's a "to be continued" sort of dealy. In case you're wondering.

So maybe one of my stories will end up published in a magazine sometime soon. Don't mean to count chickens. Things aren't confirmed, I mean.

Yesterday I saw a fantastic movie and a semi-fantastic Christmas tree. The Life Aquatic and the tree at Rockefeller Center.

There are other things going on. There was a meeting with my father's agent and her husband and God if they aren't enthusiastic about my diet book. I should drink their enthusiasm! Get that same feeling about it! I'm coming around though! I swear I'm coming around.

I'm distracted right now. Christmas and all of that. I'm far behind with the aforementioned holiday's requisite giftage. Other words--I've got JACK for anyone. I'm coming around though! I swear I'm coming around.

Wednesday there is this party on Madison Avenue where my dad will wear this $200 designer shirt for the unveiling of a new clothing line. Other celebrities will be fluttering about in the clothing as well. And some press will be there. Of course. I think E and I will attend as well. Eat the food. Take home the gift bags. They asked for copies of my father's book to include in the gift bags. Gift bags make the new york private party world go round, you know?

Tomorrow it's the train into the city to see The Life Aquatic. Few movies have that kind of power. Wes Anderson has the goods. I'd ride a horse from here to Iowa to see Aquatic. And in the snow! Imagine the cold of that! Gosh!

I'm in a weird mood. Goodnight.

Let's revive this thing. Let's dig it up and dance it around. Let's write in this blog again! Let's!

Elise and I end up in some situations, I tell you this. Today we were clothing models for a mock-up catalog as a favor for ConnectiKelly. We wore Vineyard Vines clothing, for whom ConnectiKelly designs men's ties among other things.

Now Vineyard Vines caters to a certain customer, this I understand. That said, it couldn't be further from our cup of tea.

Here is the outfit that I wore...

E's was much similar. Solid pastels.

We were sore thumbs on the beach of Rowayton and it was as cold as it's been this season and Kelly rushed to photograph us with an amazing mammoth of a digital camera. She hurried everything because of the cold and so I hope she got what she needed.

Like I said, these were just mock-ups. Storyboards, in movie-speak. Preparation for the real models. Still, I can't wait to see how they came out.

Oh and by the way... Elise, Sedna (the cat) and I made it to Connecticut and we're here and yeah it's cold.

Updates should re-frequent these parts in great frequency now. I could go deeper into these past few weeks of slow news--our dog parade--our drive--my horrible wheat induced throat sickness and all of that... but I'm here and NOW and so are you.