One of life's awkward moments...

One of life's awkward moments... or a series of them rather... I spent much of my day walking the streets of Manhattan and the sky spent much of it's day raining on me. The temperature outside is somewhere around fifty, maybe less. All day walking in the cold rain. But I convinced myself that it was nice. That it felt good. But then the sun went down and my hands froze over and it wasn't so nice anymore. That nice would be in italics if it weren't so hard to get around on this iBook. So would the nice's of these two explanatory sentences.

Anyway, on the seventh floor of the uber-up-scale hotel The Big F put us up in, I find myself cold, tired, wet, bursting with pee and holding my dinner in a take-out bag as I wait in the hallway because I've perfectly arrived as the maid is turning over the room. She said, "five minutes," and closed the door in my face. I didn't take offense. I am a young male in a hooded sweatshirt and I could be dangerous. Besides, how awkward would that be for me?

Fifteen minutes of standing like an idiot in a tiny hallway later, I found out. She still wasn't finished, but she invited me in. That sounds scandalous. I assure you, it was not... just awkward. But I'm a quick thinker! I put my bags down and grabbed the ice bin. (Which is not a bin at all, but some spherical polished silver object that you'd expect a miniature Jodie Foster to be traversing space in.) So then, things were awkward with this maid, so I would fetch ice. Let it be said, I did not actually need or want any ice.

But first, where's the ice machine?

In a stroke of genius, I ask the maid. She, of course, calls another maid to bring me ice. You see... in this hotel... the ice comes to you.

And so suddenly, this second maid is tapping on the door... delivering my ice that I do not want and I'm wondering... do I tip her? Do I have to tip on ice? Doesn't she know that I didn't even WANT the ice? I shouldn't have to tip on ice that I only pretended to want! She left briskly though, and so I said fuck it and kept my money in my pocket, closed the door and was alone... except for that first maid of course. Which is why I pulled this computer out and started blogging... to look busy. Because the ice was a bust.

More on EVERYTHING later.

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