October 2004 Archives

Tomorrow: Amy's Halloween party Sunday: Halloween in Salem? Sleepy Hollow? Monday: The Format and The Honorary Title in Hartford Tuesday: Election Party - my house Wednesday: Filming in the city Thursday: I think I'm staying in the city... I think I'll take photos... I've been thinking a helluva lot about my secret New York photo novel... maybe I'll do a little "research." Friday: More filming

November 13th the second season of the show starts. Only two weeks away! And it was only filmed this morning. Kicking it off with a Thanksgiving show. The show is amazing this season, by the way.

November 15th I'm back in Florida... hopefully.

I've been back in CT for an entire week and I can't think of a single thing I've done. Just a lot of moping. I haven't even done my laundry from the trip.

I guess that's changing this week though. Though, I want to mope just a little while longer.

Simon and Schuster finally released the cover of the book on their website... now with the official Food Network seal!

Was on The Big F's site earlier and saw an ad for popcornpantry.com.

PopcornPantry.com is a site that must be seen to be believed.

It's the future of internet commerce, folks.

It's sarcasm that I'm using. Because, you see, www.popcornpantry.com is a website that sells one thing and only one thing... microwave popcorn. So... okay. Microwave popcorn. There could be something to that. Niche flavors. Exotic flavors would be the key here. They must have all sorts. People would want to try them all! Where else could you get apple cinnamon microwave popcorn?

But they don't have apple cinnamon flavored microwave popcorn. They don't even have cheese. No toffee. PopcornPantry.com is a site that is limited to selling three flavors of microwave popcorn. Butter. Light butter. Kettle.

But this is special popcorn, right? Hand picked, de-kerneled, all natural... it must be! You'd think that! You'd never think that it's just Weaver brand popcorn repackaged. The same Weaver popcorn that you can get in any grocery store. Trans fats and all.

So, what's their selling point? Basically... it's that you save forty percent off of grocery store prices. And shipping is free! Shipping is free as long as you buy 30 packages! So basically, they're appealing to the thrifty, bulk shoppers. The same ones that are much too lazy to buy microwave popcorn off of the internet!

Oh and also... it will cost you fifteen dollars for those thirty packs of popcorn. Fifty cents each. Eight pack boxes are three dollars at Wal-Mart. That's twenty-five percent LESS than www.popcornpantry.com.

Sometimes I need to put microwave popcorn selling websites in their place. I apologize.

For those that wait for Wednesdays, I've put another story up at r i b c a g e.

Another oldie. I've got bits and chunks of lots of new ones, but I'm too tired tonight.

Ketchup. Let's play it. Get it? Yeah, okay then.

Production has begun on the show's second season. I hear a lot of things. I hear that the set is amazing. I've seen the concept sketches. The sketches are amazing. I hear the new opening is incredible. I haven't seen it. I have to watch over the house for the next week, my parents staying in a hotel in the city--filming. Next week they film the two episodes with me.

So, I came back to Connecticut to sit in a house for a week doing absolutely nothing. I'm not bitter. I just wish The Big F had written up a schedule before I scheduled my flight home. Don't you know that I strategically plan these trips to give me the most possible time with E?

Maybe soon these trips won't be necessary. We've said five goodbyes and goodbyes are the worst. Airport goodbyes especially. I'm far gone with E, and she with me and I say that in all honesty. We're young. We're stupid.

It's bliss.

We're adults though. Old enough to know what we want. Young enough to do something drastic to get it. To get away with that.

I'm not giving up either way. No way. A thousand miles will have to try a little harder. I'm young remember? I've got fight.

Moving on...

I have to call my literary agent tomorrow and I'm scared out of my mind! She wants to discuss my book. Work on the proposal's specifics. I need to clear my head. I have to clear my head. I have to at least sound like my head is screwed on straight.

Where I stand...

I've been agonizing over this book proposal for days and it's only half done and it has to be all done tomorrow.

I have to be awake in five hours to go to Rhode Island to spend all day with relatives.

I have to be on a plane in 24 hours after that.

I have not packed.

I need to do laundry to pack.

I need to update the Ribcage site twice, save it to disk, so that I can update as usual the two weeks I'm in Florida.

Where I stand is with my head cut off... all chicken-like.

I was on this uphill momentum today and oh my god things were going so swimmingly and I actually said to myself, "I can finish my book proposal today!" And I meant what I said.

And I didn't finish what I meant to finish.

That doesn't mean the day has ended. That just means that I've downgraded my enthusiasm to, "I can do a lot more work on this damn proposal before I pass out if I just force, force, force myself!"

And this post is only to help me find that lost momentum. To type, type, type... even if it's bullshit. Bullshit like...

An Explanation of My Situation by Christian Stella

The story of a Connecticut writer whose head is so high in so many clouds that he waits until there are only four days left to finish the proposal needed to ever sell his brilliant and also unfinished diet book / memoir.

Then his girlfriend calls and then he's far more eager to plan out their imminent visit--over and over in his head--than plan out his book.

He then runs into even more trouble when he realizes that he has to write a page long bio to be included. He then realizes how funny, how he agonizes over a page long bio, seeing as the book on which the proposal is being written is nothing but a two hundred page bio. Can't he just copy and paste the overview section? Can't he? Please?

About the Author

Christian Stella is not very good at these third person bios. He ate as a child. He then ate less. He then weighed less. He's writing a book about it.

He has to get back to writing a book about it!

Yes, it's a Wednesday. Yes, there's a new story on my site.

Thanks for reading! It's a long one this week. Weird too.

Yesterday I registered to vote and that is the only time that I've left the house since Elise left on Thursday. I agree with you that that's unhealthy. I really do.

Though I've learned some things from the news.

1. Rodney Dangerfield is now dead.
2. Janet Leigh beat him to the punch.
3. Mt. St. Helens is going to erupt at any second, and the immediacy of the situation is directly related to how slow the rest of the news day may or may not be.
4. The prosecution rested in the Laci Petersen case today. Mt. St. Helens less dangerous because of this.
5. Spaceship One won the X-Prize. You'd think I'd have mentioned this already.

They're talking about making the X-Prize an annual competition. To continue to encourage. With NASA dormant, that's good news. Though, putting a deadline on the competition could rush people and then you're just asking for disaster.

The Faint are blowing my mind. So is John Vanderslice.

I've been reading my father's book. It's pretty funny sometimes. Each recipe is preceeded by an anecdote, mostly involving the family and sometimes hilarious.

Still three months before it's release and tonight it's the 700th bestselling book on Amazon.com. I see Jay Mohr's book on an endcap in every bookstore there is, it's even for sale in our grocery store... it's somewhere in the 8,000s on Amazon. The book I'm reading at the moment, Saul and Patsy... it's in the 87,000s.

Also... my father found the Your Diet magazine at a newstand today. It's insane. There's a full page picture of us. Another picture on the next page. And it's beautiful. People Magazine quality.

It is consistently freaky... this publicity stuff.

I wanted to bring a notebook into the living room, sit on the couch and write a story but apparently it's fifty-two degrees outside and the window was left open.

I got winter chills. Like when it was two degrees below and the heating lost the fight and the cold seemed to seep through the walls and I had to purchase a personal heater, carry it by it's convenient handle from room to room for more targeted warmth. And also I wore sweatpants and a sweater. And also I lived under a comforter. And also I took as many long hot showers as possible.

This is how I spent all five months of last winter.

I got winter chills. Now is the perfect time to go to Florida. Problem is, I have to come back. Star-crossed.

Moving on...

There are new staples in my diet. I've grown comfortable with my wheat sensitivity, but is that any wonder to someone that ate low carb for so long? I've modified and adjusted accordingly. I have my new routines. My new staples.

Every morning starts with coffee and peanut butter and jelly between wheat-free waffles (rice flour). I looked into wheat-free bread a while back and it was all expensive, out of the way to acquire and un-appetizing... the waffles are none of those things... the waffles mean everything to me.

Note: Banana's in the PB and J waffle sandwiches are optional, but definitely a plus. I used a banana that wasn't quite ripe, not quite sweet and had to improvise, sprinkled a packet of Equal over top of the slices. The packet of Equal then entered the routine.

This sandwich must be eaten while watching the news. I like Fox News because I like to yell at my news. I want to disagree with my news! It's fun and entertaining! Like spying on the enemy! If I wanted the actual news, I'd go to Google News.

Sometime during Elise's stay up here, something new entered the routine. (Of which she became fully enslaved to as well.) The mango.

Mangoes are overlooked. Mangos with no E is also correct. I prefer Mangoes. Mangoes are overlooked. They're exotic and scary. I soon discovered... they're also delicious.

How I eat a mango is this: I cut it into three pieces. Two halves and the center piece. The center piece is mostly just the flat core that is about a half inch thick and the width of the fruit. The center piece can be chewed at, as it will have some meat around the edges. The two halves are then placed flat on a plate and cut into thick slices. They are then ready to eat!

From a mango website... yes a mango website...

The mango fruit skin is not considered edible.

You'll notice above that I do not mention peeling the mango. That's because I don't.

The mango fruit skin is not considered edible.

Well, what if, I consider it edible? I've yet to find anything on the internet stating that it's harmful... and so. I go on. I will continue to eat the skin of mangoes. I will continue my routine as routinely as ever. I will not care.

Update: I just ate a mango that was surprisingly covered in sap. Mango tree sap. Christmas tree tasting. It had to be peeled. It was so very easy to peel. And delicious. Damn.

Another new staple of my diet: Sushi. I've had it three days running now. All veggie, of course. Not a fan of seafood. Wheat-free soy sauce. Did you know soy sauce had wheat in it? The grocery stores all have their own sushi chef up here. Today I was too late. Today I put down the last pre-made veggie roll for one second and some woman swooped in, took it. I couldn't fucking believe it. Nobody else is ever anywhere near the sushi and nobody else gives a rat's ass about fishless sushi!

So I bought all of the necessary tools and made my own. I've been meaning to make that leap for a while anyway. I feel empowered now. I will eat it even more often. I will have that sense of pride. That glint in my eye.

Today's rolls:
avocado, cucumber straws, carrots and sesame seeds
avocado, cucumber chunks and sesame seeds
cucumber straws, carrots and red bell pepper

I wish I had a picture, they came out beautiful, but Anthony took my digital camera with him to Florida. There were three things I wanted to take a picture of today. I don't remember the other two. The exact reason I wanted to take the pictures! So I'd remember!

My father keeps asking me if I want to go to an Oyster Fest at Oyster in Grand Central in an hour. He's a celebrity chef there today. So yeah, I'd get special treatment. Free everything. Maybe even sneak alcohol. But I haven't slept. And I hate oysters. And I worked at Oyster for a day and quit and feel like an ass.