And the chatter is now at an all time low. And that's not good. Lord knows I love attention. Gimme attention! Gimme attention! Film me! Put me on TV again! Bring on the fan mail!
Now then, to recap the last week in a way that is slightly similar, but hopefully even more entertaining than the first blog post that was four billion words and lost to a power outage. (So you see, my blogcrastination stems not from disinterest, but from pure pissedoffedness. The rage that builds as I slog out these words for the second time, it's quite unpleasant.)
As I recall, The View was looming. I'm going to attack this subject from all corners... so prepare yourself.
Did you catch it? Did you watch that shit? Do you love me enough (gimme attention!) to have remembered to tune into that shit?
Ryan did. Ryan called work... asked to come an hour later to stay home watching it. Ryan loves me. But did you? Did you love me?
No honestly, did you love me? Wasn't I great up there on stage, joshing around with those crazy women of The View? Didn't my new haircut look nice? What about the new sweater? Yeah, you're right, it does fit well. Well, yeah... I found an extra small. Wait...
I wasn't on The View?
Whatever do you say?
You must be talking about Charlie Sheen. Because I know he wasn't on.
No? You're talking about me? Well shit.
It goes like this folks... no time. No time for Anthony and I. And Anthony flew all the way here! (On an airplane, smartass.) Tis all cool though. They put Barbara Walters on the segment. So all was great. You don't argue with a producer that is putting Barbara Walters on to your segment.
In the commercial break, Barbara asked my father to send her a list of good and bad foods to eat on low carb. She's going on it.
And now... people that we were in the greenroom with over Monday and Tuesday. (Rehearsal and filming.)
Ben Affleck
Uma Thurman
Sarah Machlachlan
Liz Phair
Joan Rivers
Uma Thurman is mega-tall.
Sarah Machlachlan is right over there on that couch. And you had no clue it was her for the past ten minutes, aint that funny?
I feel it's time to get into the gift thing. They like to give expensive things to everyone in the audience during Christmastime on any daytime show. So, when we arrived, we saw lines of people exiting the building with what I dubbed "PicNoculars." These are of course, picture taking binoculars.
And when my parents were on the show... they gave away the exact model of digital camera that I was thinking about buying the day I had money, but could not give one to us. They had demoted us from guests on the show to something less than an audience member. I mean, at least them audience members get cameras.
Of course, audience members don't get the pleasure of Elisabeth squeezing up beside them to talk to whoever. Because yeah, she did that to me. She entered my personal space to talk to someone next to me and it was like God finally showed himself.
Elisabeth is so much better looking in person. Anthony will verify this for you, if you don't trust my swayed judgement.
She was... shockingly attractive folks. Smoking is a word that could be lit in neon for her... yessir.
So after The View we were off to the Food Network for a meeting with the network's vice president. Apparently she's lost 60 pounds on low carb since she met my parents. She says we've saved her life. The vice president of the whole network!
Also, the programming director says I turned the heads of the women in the Food Network office when they watched the upcoming special. (Gimme attention!)
Also, they're sending a box of swag to the house. Shirts, jackets, hats... all kinds of Food Networky stuff.
Also, they'll have a section on their website for my father this week... and they'll begin advertising the special.
Also, they gave Anthony and I some books. I got a signed copy of Anthony Bourdain's new book.
Anyway, it was then off to a meeting with my father's series producer. Apparently he's done episodes of Trauma: Life in the ER and also, Anthony Bourdain's Cook's Tour on the Food Network. It's strange, I watch Cook's Tour every week. And it's damn great. And now the same people are making my father's show. They start filming the first of February by the way.
I think I'll start a new post to get things up to the now... I will simply never get into this a third time if I were to lose everything... It is far too exhausting to take myself back to that Elisabethian moment, you know.
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